Journey, Part 19

Journal


Wednesday March 11,2009

Today I had another meeting with my Care Pastor, and it was totally amazing. We were talking about the healing thing, and how far I've come since October 17th. The Lord showed her that I was a cracked pot and He had to smash the pot, that I had been broken and poured out. I told her that I believed that, then as we were talking the Lord showed me a grey lump of clay on an old fashioned potters wheel. I instantly knew that was me, and all that time that I had felt stuck, and that I couldn't move, was because at the time I was a lump of unformed clay. He also showed me that through the music I've been listening too that even though I thought it was the only way I could have some lifeline to Him, it was Him so lovingly reaching out to me when I was simply to emotionally weak to reach out to Him. He also showed me that me listening to the worship music is getting a need met for me, and that I'm to add that back into my life because that is how we spend such special time together. Another thing He showed me as I was talking to my Care Pastor of how I don't understand why some of the stuff that happened to me, was, I saw myself in a dress kneeling down, and I was crying with tears running down my face, and I was scrambling trying to pick up these pieces of broken clay and put it back together, trying to fix what was broken in me, so I could pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on, but the problem was that I couldn't put the pieces together again, then the Lord showed me, as I was telling her this was the reason for this was because He had taken a hammer and shattered the cracked pot, and when He had shattered it it was but grey powdered dust. You can't put dust back together, and that was why even though I had thought I was putting shards of broken pottery it was in reality dust, and that is why I was so frustrated. So as She and I were both in tears over that, the Lord then showed us both the pile of grey dust that was formally me, then we saw dust blowing away, and then I knew that the old me was passing away, and the lump of clay of the potters wheel, was going to be made into a new vessel. It was a totally amazing and totally beautiful.