Journey, Part 4

So I began growing up, and I still had such a longing inside of me, for what I didn't know and although I had Jesus in my heart I had no idea what to do with my Christianity. Though I still went to church and everything, I didn't know what to do. I would watch other people worshiping the Lord, raising their hands to Him while they sang. I figured that was what you were supposed to do, so that's what I did. There were times when I know I really was worshiping the Lord, and not just going through the motions.

As I got into my teen years, the desire to be accepted and loved and to simply fit in, became even stronger. I remember being in sixth grade. I don't know what it is about that grade or the age ( I was twelve at the time) , but I began to swear, because all my friends were. It was then that my downward spiral away from the Lord really began. My focus became boyfriends and always having one. And for the most part I did ( I'm really not bragging, as an adult I see it was nothing to be proud of). And for a while the empty, longing feeling would go away, only to eventually return. By the time I was fifteen years old I began having sex to " fit in ", to be accepted. But what I realized was that just made the empty feeling even worse, so I would try to fill it with yet another guy, only to find it didn't work. ---Believer