Monday, May 4, 2009

Journey, Part 5

By that point, I had gotten permission from my parents to stop going to church. And I thought I was doing good. I did however go to church camp with my cousin the summer I was fifteen almost sixteen years old, and it was there that I really did have my first and really meaningful encounter with God, I received my prayer language ( receiving from the Lord an unknown language, that only God knows, it is meant to build you up in Christ ), and felt closer to the Lord than I ever had.

Then one night after the most amazing chapel time that we had, had, I was walking back to my cabin. I was alone, and all of a sudden I felt like someone was watching me I became scared, but I tried ignoring the fear and just kept walking to the cabin. When I got there, the place was totally empty, which I thought was unusual, considering there were ten of us girls staying there. I felt scared, like something was in the room with me, I looked around, but didn't see anything, but I still felt it. At that point trying to get away from whatever it was I was feeling I left the cabin to find my fellow cabin mates.

Sometime later, we all went back to the cabin, and I simply dismissed what I had been feeling as simply me being afraid of the dark. My cousin and I had been able to get the loft area which was really cool. and we all said our prayers and settled in for the night. I hadn't been laying there but for a few minutes when I heard a short but loud deep growling type sound in my right ear. Needless to say I was a little freaked out, but thought that maybe my cousin was playing a joke on me, she did that sometimes. I called out her name, but she was already asleep. So with my heart pounding in my chest and ears I tried just calming down, within a minute or two it happened again, but louder and more gruff. At that point I screamed for my counselor, and told her what happened. I knew it was a Satan or one of his demons trying to get me. She began praying with me. I was so scared, it took me a long time to fall asleep, but my counselor never left my side, she prayed for me the whole time. I am so thankful she was there that night, and although I've never seen her again. I pray God will bless her, because of it.

The next morning I had to face the scrutiny of my fellow cabin mates, none of them believed me, not even my cousin, and thought I just made it up to get attention. I even went to my youth pastor at the time, and he simply dismissed it. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, like I had done something wrong. I didn't understand what had happened to me. I simply wanted to understand, and for someone to believe me.

Well church camp is only for a week, so we came home, I really tried to stay on track with the Lord. I knew the Lord had done something special in me, but I still didn't know what to do with my faith. I was still terrified of what had happened to me, and it only increased my fear of the dark, this was a fear that had started when I was four years old ( more on this in Journey, Part 6 ). When I got back to school my friends made fun of me, and mocked me for being Christian. And my need for love and acceptance to was so great that after a day or two I walked away and went back to my old lifestyle, back to the swearing, back to the guys. I just didn't know what else to do. ---Believer

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