Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Journey, Part 8

To shorten this story a little bit, between the ages of nineteen and twenty-four I met the man who is now my ex husband, got pregnant had a beautiful baby girl. Whom I adored and still adore. I went on living my life without the Lord, not giving it a second thought.

Life seemed to be a struggle day in day out. My ex and I had a rocky relationship. But we did try the best we could. One day when our daughter was about four years old, I was watching my daily soap operas when they showed a woman being demon possessed. This totally freaked me out. I was instantly convicted of not living my life right for the Lord. I quickly turned the TV off got down on my knees and began repenting asking the Lord to forgive me for the way I had been living. I felt His presence there with me that day, and He forgave me. I fell in love with my Jesus that day.

My ex and I weren't married at the time, and I knew I couldn't keep living in sin, so I called up the church that I had grown up in and sure enough one of the pastors who was there when I was a kid was still there. He talked me through what I was to do. I was under so much conviction, that I simply wanted to make right the whole living together thing. Without praying about it any further, I told my my ex that I couldn't live that way anymore, and that he had to either marry me or we needed to part ways. But something had to change I just wanted to right the wrong way I had been living. He agreed to marry me, but hind sight now shows me that it was wrong for me to do that. We really were polar opposites, we didn't have a thing in common except our daughter, who by the way is now 18 years old. On His side there were drug and alcohol problems. On my side I was always wanting him to change, and throwing my faith in his face. He emotionally and verbally abused me, and I stripped him down, to make him feel like dirt and made him feel like less of a man, always telling him what was wrong with him. We had our good times, but more often than not it seemed like we were always fighting about something. As I've gotten older I realize that my behavior towards him was so wrong, and that I had as much to do with the ending of our relationship as he did. I have learned my lesson the hard way and thankfully have not repeated it.

Upon my re-dedication to the Lord, I found such a love for Him. I couldn't get enough of Him. I was reading my bible constantly, and Christian music was always playing. I began regular attendance at the church I grew up in as a little girl.

Because of my cerebral palsy I began have problems with my sciatic nerve, and was in a lot of pain. The doctor put me on pain killers and muscle relaxers. I discovered that I could lay in front of the wall heater that we had and it would help my legs. So often during the night when I would wake up because I was hurting, rather than take something for it I would get up,and lay down in front of that heater and get my bible and read for hours on end by a really bright night light . Or sometimes I would write out prayers or poems to my Lord. I spent hours a day just singing to my Jesus and praying, I was so in love with Him. ----Believer

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